My Struggles with Alcoholism
Thank you so much for visiting my recovery blog. My goal is to give you inspiration and guidance on starting a new life without drugs and alcohol. If I can quit drinking alcohol anybody can quit. Let me give you a little background about myself. I’m sure a lot of you can relate to my story.
My name is Dave and I’m 41 years old. I live in Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes and 5,000 treatment centers. I have struggled with alcoholism for 20 years. On May 5 th 2013 I will have 3 years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs. The last 3 years have not been easy, but they have been the best three years of my life. I’m finally free again. I am a wonderful father, dedicated employee, supportive friend and a person who makes this earth a better place. With that said I can’t forget for a second that if I add alcohol to my system I will turn into a total fucking douche bag. That is a Fact. I am an alcoholic and therefore can not drink alcohol period.
I could not get that part into my head because my sick mind was telling me that I could control my drinking and that this time it will be different. I thought everybody else had the problem and were pussies because they did not like to drink like I did. God for bid if somebody tried to reach out and help me. I would totally shun them and reject their help.
I have been through every treatment center in Minnesota or close to it. Every time I went my family and friends would hope and pray that this time I would get it and get help. I would go for 6 months and get every bodies hopes up. Then chose to start drinking alcohol again. After about 6 treatments my wife made the decision to leave me for the health of our three children. About 2 months prior to her leaving me I had resigned from a wonderful career at a huge insurance company here in Minnesota. I was totally self destructing and yet I thought all of these problems were a result of somebody else.
I spent the next 5 years in and out of treatment, detox and sober houses. I was not ready to quit. Then in 2009 my loved ones were in total desperation and had me committed. Which is like a probation for drunks. I had to follow all recommendations of the court and remain alcohol free for a year then the commitment is lifted. During this time I ended up homeless. With no where to go I ended up at Mission Lodge, which is a shelter for chemically dependent people. Needless to say I had the qualifications to get in. Something changed in me while I was there. I was humbled and desperate. I had no other choice but to accept the fact that alcohol was ruining my life. Once I accepted the fact that I can not ever drink again and realized I could get my life back if I remain sober.
These changed in my mind as time went on. After about six months I was finally getting some clarity to my thinking. I was feeling good mentally and physically. This was the first time I started to think like a regular person. After a year at the lodge and going to A.A meetings. My confidence came back and I moved out and got a job. I make about half of what I used to make but all my bills are paid. My child support comes right out of my check. I have been with the same company for a year and a half and have not missed a day yet. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get a job or to get involved with volunteering. We need to stay active and have accountability in our lives. Almost three years later I can finally see all the damaged I caused myself and my loved ones. It’s not about “Me” anymore. I have a choice not to drink alcohol. Before, I didn’t really feel like I had a choice. I had to have alcohol to survive yet it was killing me. I see that now through sober eyes and will never go back God willing.
If your struggling and need a hand please shout me a email. I would be glad to help if I can. You are worth it and you can get your life back. I promise.